After I pay the security deposit on the house I'm leasing, all the money I make is going towards a trip abroad. No ties to the college, no family trips--I am leaving the country alone, and making my own way through a location of my choosing.


This summer, it will be the Appalachian Trail, and all sorts of other hiking excursions. A lot of people hate summer hiking because you get soaked from the humidity and sweating in the summer heat, but I think it's great. Drinking water feels so much better when it's ice cold and you can feel the thirst in the pit of your stomach.


I just resigned from my second job, for the summer. And I'm cutting off romantic ties with someone, for good...which I should have done a year ago. I just finally realized that I'm limiting myself too much. Both of these choices sting, and they sting a bunch, but I'm perfectly aware of the fact that, no matter what the outcomes, I'm better off not having that job, this summer, and I'm better off not even wanting him.

My friends will most definitely expect me to relapse, but I've been thinking about this for a good solid month or two, now--or, less "this," and more myself. I've been thinking about what I expect out of my life, and I'm just not there at all!

It is terribly true that, for a young woman of college age, with my basic financial means taken care of (uh, sort of), there is no need to complicate things with choices that don't represent things I want in my life.

This will be easy, and then it will be difficult, and then it will tear me apart, and then it will be over and I will still exist.

And that is all.


This summer will be a summer for rebounding, traveling, not working (and then working--I still have one job, but they provide housing), neuropsychology (my nose tickles because I want to cry, sometimes, when I realize that I actually get to study what I love), and getting over my fear of saltwater in the eyes (which has kept me from surfing for FAR too long).

IT WILL ALSO PROBABLY SUCK A LOT, some days! I can guarantee that, some days, I will still think that everything is terrible and my world is ending and apocalypse apocalypse SOMEONE JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY, but I refuse to make it seem like my anticipation for the rest of the summer is trivializing the sucky parts!

Bwah!

So I'm excited. Excited and ready for a good rest.

Good for you!!

I never think you should stay in a so-so relationship that you don't really want long-term. It just draws out the pain for everyone involved. Then again, it is apparently a hallmark of my personality type, INTJ, to be very good at ending bad relationships, to the point that we are hardly ever in relationships at all. I think the possibility of relapse just doesn't exist for us.

Surfing is really fun! I don't think I've ever gotten salt water in my eyes in a way that hurt me. I got it up my nose before, that's worse. haha. But worth it.

PS- COME TO FRANCE. The end.
» Zanzibar on 2012-04-20 03:59:11

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