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flowers come after the storm
Sunday. 3.17.13 3:14 pm
also some casual language??



BOOM GOES THE FRIENDSHIP.

Let's take it from the top.

New York Dude was on Spring Break, right? And he decided he wanted to come down to Charleston for a day, which made me super skeptical, because it kind of felt like he was just trying to see me?

But anyway, I told him that was neat, and he asked if I wanted to do something. I told him to let me know what he was doing, and I'd let him know if I had time. But, I also told him I had a kayaking retreat, and that I might be too busy, so I would just catch up with him whenever afterward.

That was that.

So, yesterday was his day down here. He called at eight and told me he was headed towards downtown, which was a problem, because I wasn't ready at all. Kayaking is exhausting, and I spent most of my afternoon getting myself home and eating sandwiches to get my calorie count back up.

I told him I wasn't ready. He said fine, he might go grab a beer somewhere while he waited.

So I got there, about forty minutes later, and he'd decided to SIT IN HIS CAR AND WAIT FOR ME. I figured he'd gone to a bar and was happy to waste some time there, based on what he himself had said.

Whatever floats your boat, though, right?

So we grabbed food at my favorite local coffee shop, and sat out on the patio for an hour and a half or so. It was fine. I didn't feel anything towards him, but it was good to see a friend, and I hoped that was good enough for him, too, since he said it would be.

What I've learned from myself in messy situations such as these, though, is that people lie. Mostly in the hope that this lie might hold onto someone a little longer.

But you aren't holding onto someone in the first place, if you have to lie. That's what I learned from this particular situation.

He confronted me via text, once he got home. He seemed pretty level-headed, so I told him most of the truth. I don't think maybe people are brave enough to come out and say, "My feelings have changed," but I tried to be as honest as possible about the situation.

And I guess that opened all sorts of new doors for him. He took the same approach I used to use, of asking questions in order to get closure--which doesn't work, by the way, as long as someone is in your life. At least, finding peace with everything that happened doesn't, which is something entirely different...and also entirely more useful.

I answered them as well as I could, but I think he was just waiting for me to tell him the truth, just like I was always waiting. I don't like you anymore.

As much as my reasons were SO apart from that, he just wanted to hear it. And I get that. As much as it sucks, you just want to know, one way or another, and having someone avoid that tiny but enormous kindness is just...ugh.

I empathize. I do.

It's just a bad place to be. I told him this was casual so we wouldn't ever have to have this talk, forgetting completely about my own past disappointments in that area. They call these situations messy for a reason.

From now on, I'm just going to reject people who want something unofficial. And I'm not going to suggest that life, either. There's this website called Unfuck Your Habitat, which I've been following to see if I can't be a bit neater, but I think the problem is that I need to unfuck my life.


I hate when people are supportive of decisions like these, though, because I know a lot of my friends have been waiting for me to say all this for a long time. You have to let people make their own mistakes and learn these things on their own. It isn't going to stick if someone else tells you it's best--you have to go through it all and know for sure that it's true. Everything I've done, I've done because I haven't yet learned that it's best not to. Encouragement and discouragement, as sweet as they sometimes are, are like weapons with things like these. So please keep that in mind, when reading and responding to this. I did it all on purpose, and this was the only path I ever should have taken to figuring all this out.
3 Comments.


I think casual relationships are much more confusing than serious ones. Might be just me, though. I need to have things clearly defined or I get frustrated.
» randomjunk on 2013-03-17 04:26:38

Gotta be cruel to be kind.
» Zanzibar on 2013-03-18 03:56:17

So you know OTHER people who are as obnoxious as me?
» middaymoon on 2013-03-18 05:26:21

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