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I'm not here because midday was here
Thursday. 10.18.18 2:36 am

It's just a weird coincidence, honest.

We're all getting old. I was a teenager when I started this blog. Now I pay taxes and get grumpy if I go to bed after 9:30.

I had a hard day and I'm not sure how to process it, speaking of going to bed early (it's currently 10:30 and not getting earlier). I'm dealing with some stuff at work where I feel like I would be better off with more power to handle projects from start to finish. My boss has been kind of "getting things started" with a lot of the projects I eventually handle, and that ends up making it harder to know what I'm doing inside and out. That ended up making my day a lot worse than it needed to be, today, especially considering that I worked a whopping 11 hours straight.

R is in bed in the next room, and I wish I could be in there, too, sleeping as hard as he is. He turned over, about half an hour ago, said, "Now I gotcha," and did a very self-satisfied laugh.

"Huh?"

He paused. "I don't know," he told me.

"Are you even awake right now?"

He laughed in that Big Charmer way and very matter-of-factly stated, "No I am not."

He then called my leg a "warm bridge" and fell back into a deep sleep.

We're signing a lease addendum, soon, so he can move in with me. I'd say it's about time, but there was a lot we had to work through, a lot of Stuff between this blog and the previous. I still have a lot to work through with myself, to be honest. Trying to balance my own garbage with having someone live here might sometimes be a challenge, but I'm glad he's here, it's good to be around him so much. Small things like eating dinner out on the balcony and talking about video games, like having him there to hug me after a day like today...meaningful when they build up.

For the most part, right now, days have this steady rhythm that I'm not setting my watch to, but more so tapping a foot to. Work is hard and unsteady, but I'm steadying it more by being there and asking for change. R and I have to really work with each other sometimes, but we're an enviably strong team, at the end of the day. Everything I'm doing is rewarding--it's not ideal, not the sort of structure I can fall asleep easily to, but it's moving in that direction.

Oh, and my brother is giving me his old Roomba, so I guess things are really looking up.
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