Inconsolable. On a rank of one to ten, I'd be a ten. There is only one person on this entire world that I would want to see, right now, and only for proof that he'd come, just like that, no questions asked.

He isn't going to come.

My throat hurts because I've been holding back for a while, now. I talked to some people online, but they don't have anything to say that can make me feel any better.

And I don't know WHY I keep watching out the window for a car. It's Saturday, there are plenty of cars going by...none of them the one I'd want to see. He's going to bed, feeling he's lost me, and I'm just...

Hurt. Fuck, I'm so hurt by the fact that the one time I need him this badly, he's with a friend eating fucking fast food. If you EVER hear the words "I need you," it's bad. It's worse than bad. Some part of me is screaming that I would have died tonight if I'd stayed in that car, and I'm SO SORRY if that makes me a little touchy.

The tires turned over the grass and dirt and I didn't even think about it. I didn't even notice until we hit the curb. What if I hadn't noticed at all?

Why aren't you here, appreciating the fact that I saw it and got out?!

Because I did, I saw it, and that's the reason, I think, that I'm still here.

This was worse than her usual buzz.

I'm surprised she made it home.

That I'm not dead.

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