Today's one of those days. The bad ones, where everything seems wrong. Mum doesn't trust me still from one mistake I made, a few months back, and it's just...impossible. I wouldn't have done it if I'd known ahead of time how long I'd have to pay for this.

She doesn't trust me with anyone. She thinks every boy I know, I have sex with. She thinks they're here when she isn't, and that we do things I wouldn't DO, because I have a system of morals, and that's something I'm fo rizzle against.

It is NOT COOL to stereotype me like this. I KNOW I screwed up. I KNOW I need to win back her trust.

But you'd think that would already be done. It's been months. I haven't done anything stupid [that she knows about] since. And it's just been terrible trying to clear my name, because she makes all these assumptions that I'm doing something behind her back again, and then she deems them true because I seem nervous or show signs or whatever, so then I get in trouble for nothing.

Know why I'm nervous, Mum? Because I know I'm going to get in trouble and I'm trying to think of exactly what I need to say. YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.

Yeah, anyway.

Yesterday.

Kevin and I went to Cherry Park. And it just sucked. I mean, it was nice being with him and having time to laugh and hang out. But. Everywhere I looked, there was another memory. The walking path. The rock in front of the playground. The place where my smelly blue polka dot blanket once was. It was all just as I'd remembered but so much worse because it was cloudy and he isn't someone who I can actually see myself with, long-term, and I couldn't help but let it slide into my mind how happy I was back when the park was sunny.

Even though I wasn't happy in general. I don't really know if I ever am. Yeah, I guess so.

Haven't been, lately.

I just need ooouuuttt.

Trust is a pain in the ass to win back...especially with parents, because they have so much jurisdiction over your life. Hopefully your mom isn't stopping you from doing things just because she thinks you're going to make the same mistake twice.
» The-Muffin-Man on 2008-06-23 09:43:07

Wait...
You went again today? Or is this still from yesterday?
» Brutaly on 2008-06-23 10:10:30

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.