Yayayay!

I finally made a list of things I need for my dorm, so I'm going to get that stuff next weekend.

I'm sosososo excited.

But at the same time, I have a lot on my mind. I was talking about prom, yesterday, with Kevin, and it made me wonder about who I'll be going with, way over in next April. And then that started me wondering about all my friends. Will we be the same? Who will I lose in the transition? I can even see people I've known for years, drifting off and away. And I don't want that. But at the same time, I need to go through this on my own. This'll be me, learning. And if my friends can stick by me these next two years, then I'm going to trust those who do to stick around even through college.

I told Kierra, the other day, how great Governor's School is on applications. Laughing, I said, "Having Governor's School on a resume is basically a free-ride to any college, if you do well. I'll follow you wherever you go."

She was pretty comforted to know this. We've been split up for two years, now, and we're still so close. I think at some point, we deserve that time together.

My best friend, my sister. :3

At the same time, she says this is going to be weird, not having me around. I said, it'll be about the same as her getting to see me, now: just every once in a while. I'll still have my phone, and I'll have my computer, should she get a laptop.

But then my phone. How am I supposed to use that with my roommate around. All the late night calls from a certain someone?

Gone.

And I'm just now realizing that. Because we (Governor's School) have quiet time, after a certain hour.

So we have three choices, with that. Having a falling out, find another way to communicate that well, or just...I don't know. Take advantage of weekends and times when I'm home.

None of these sound too awesome to me.

A few months ago, it would have been MORE than simple for me to leave without even looking back. Things are complicated, now. I care about a lot more people in a lot more ways.

-sigh- But I'm still doing it.

If I don't leave now, then I never will, and I know that. You grow up in a small town, and the idea of it starts getting better and better. Knowing the same people forever. Having great connections all around town. Countless childhood friends.

It's a nice life, but I don't want to be tied down like that. I mean, I'll probably still get married, when I grow up, but that's different. We can travel. We can move.

But when you've grown up with these people, the love gets pretty strong. That's too hard to leave. Even now, after only twelve years in the same place...it's so hard to imagine, leaving all these people I've seen for years. Where will my stability lie? In the voice of my best friend? My short visits home? New friends?

I'm just kind of taking my pride in myself, right now, for breaking off my relationship with Logan and staying single. I don't know if a long-distance relationship is smart, at this age. Plus, I never know if I'm truly ready to trust someone like that. Usually, it's all a rush--we meet, we have long talks and there's a quick connection, without me really getting to know the little quirks which could make or break everything. I sometimes look past whether someone is happy or confident, or smart...just because I like talking with that person.

And sometimes it's not even me looking past things. Sometimes, it's the trust alone. So I don't...

Eh.

It's smart of me to just say I want to date people. Then, I'll know what they're like without being committed and having to hurt someone.

Which is good.

...Aww nice timing. I just looked on my calendar where I had my tenth month marked for me and Logan.

Oh well. It's all right. I can get another calendar and not have to look at that. Just a few more months, you know, and it would have been a year. It's sad, but I'm glad we didn't make it. That would have made all this so much harder.

-nod- Things are at a good place. Ish. I don't know how long all this will last.

So someone posted on another site,

"Boys are like lava lamps. Nice to look at, but not very bright!"

And in response, someone said.

"Girls are like lava lamps. They make retarded analogies and post them in the internet."

HAHAHAHA.

Own.

Like girls are the only ones who do analogies? I've seen plenty of ones guys have made up!

Although yeah, that is pretty funny. :P
» randomjunk on 2008-07-08 06:48:05

-Sigh-
I'm really going to hate the day you leave, I actually started to cry reading this, and while I'm writing this now. Think how it will be when you actually leave... For two years.
» Brutaly on 2008-07-08 10:51:35

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