I've tried writing this about a thousand times.

But you know what?

Every single time, I've gotten distracted by the happier parts.

But I have to say, just quicklyyyy...

I hate when my friends expect me to be open towards them without trying to earn my trust, first. Or without asking. Because if you don't ask, I feel like I'm telling you something you won't care about.

So. There you go.

But. Anyway. I haven't exactly been the chirpiest person, lately. It's because, to be chirpy, you have to be able to let go of problems, easily.

And lately, I'm not letting people get away with pissing me off, if it's something they know not to do.

But mind that not. I'll be back to normal just as soon as I yell at everyone who deserves it.

:D

I'm going to a picnic in less then 12 hours. It should be a really good time. And then Steigen wanted to hang out on Thursday (though, sorry, it just seems like she's doing this because I told her she doesn't spend enough time with me and Britney, and I don't really want to take a friendship like that, ESPECIALLY when I'm moving out in a month. You either put the effort out, or you're losing my friendship. I don't want it to be that way, but it will turn out that way if this isn't for real), but I was upset when she asked, so I said I probably shouldn't.

I want to.

-shrug- :3

I also want to listen to more of this...Nocturnal State.

It's very nice, yezzz...

It doesn't matter that it's technically pop music. Some of it is really, really nice.

You know what was the best part of my week, for real?

Finding out someone on YouTube already took the name Dinocorn.

So I had to become TheBestDinocorn.

Which gave me so much pleasure in all the right ways. :3

And I told myself I'd go to bed at three. But it's 3:28.

So I'm up until 4. Hopefully 4:23. Because 4+2+3=9, and three is much lucker than two, for me, and 4:00? 2 squared.

Ew.

I'm just going to keep watching music videos! Goldfrapp is finally popular. :3

I'm imagining what it would feel like to jump that long.

It hurts to even think about it.

Oh, ow.

What really weirds me out: I haven't kissed anyone almost all summer.

I haven't not-kissed anyone in this long since...

...
...
...
Since my first kiss?

Nnooooo!

And...I dunno. I'm excited about meeting new guys at Governor's School, but at the same time, that's exactly what I don't want--to see the guys every single day. I get suffocated. I need distance.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder. And at the precious stage of teenagerhood, I feel like not many people around me understand this. It's not like I never want to see the guys. It's just that every day is overkill. Relationships outside my own school do better. I think more about the last hug I got, and what we'll do when we next see each other, and...it just makes me appreciate the person more, if he understands space.

And so I guess I'm just...open to anything, now. I don't care about single, but I'm not hoping to be in a relationship. If it happens, it does. If it doesn't, it just doesn't. But I will have to be better at staying with people. And being open with them. And making sure it's there before I jump into a committed relationship.

I think I've gotten a bit better at realizing what there needs to be to make things work with me.

-shrug- But I don't know. Things just have to click.

Yup! That's all. There are things that make it click (unusually cute/sweet gestures without thinking about it, forehead kissing), and things that can un-click it (forcing anything on me, suffocating).

But generally it either does or doesn't.

:)

I think about this a lot. I know. Too much. I'm just single, and not used to being single when I don't have to be.

Bedtime.

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